


Clint Bartontail

by james



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Chocolate, Easter, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-17
Updated: 2012-03-17
Packaged: 2017-11-02 01:46:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/363650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/james/pseuds/james
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Um.  The Avengers look forward to Easter?  Clint helps?  Phil just wants some of the good chocolate for all he has to put up with?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clint Bartontail

Phil stood next to the glass of the one-way mirror, restraining himself -- just -- from pressing his hands on the glass. Also from yelling and, most tellingly, from storming into the isolation room. He thought it showed incredible self-control that his voice didn't even tremble as he asked, "Please run that by me again?"

Because it was entirely possible that this was a prank, set up by any or all of the Avengers and that Tony Stark calling him in the middle of a mission to tell him Clint was down and Coulson ought to meet them at S.H.I.E.L.D.'s scientific labs was part of the elaborate set-up.

Phil watched Clint from the observation room. He'd been told Clint didn't know they were there, but normally things like one-way mirrors didn't seem to stop the archer from knowing, every single time, when there was someone on the other side of the mirror. Natasha had confessed to Phil that it was the noise, not an uncanny ability to see through the reflective coating, but the sound-proofing was stronger down here than the mirror-coating and Phil was distracting himself from processing what he'd been told.

What he was seeing.

He opened his mouth to demand answers because the tech standing next to him wasn't talking, she was staring at Clint as well and trying to hold back a smile. Phil glared at her and she quelled. Briefly.

Clint gave another little hop and Phil had to fight his own smile form his face. This was _serious_ he told himself, scowling more harshly. As if maybe it would help, the more he acted concerned the more he would feel the gravity of the-- Oh, Hell.

"The Easter Bunny?"

"Well, we think so. Thor says he's talking about getting the eggs out on time, and apparently talking a lot about maps and routes and...um...." The young tech blushed.

"And...?" Phil asked as he watched Clint hop around the room, checking each nook and cranny for its suitability for hiding eggs. Coulson wanted to rub his face in his hands and pretend he hadn't gotten out of bed that morning. Still, he'd gotten out of bed that morning because Clint had brought a mug of coffee and enticed Phil awake by letting the towel on his waist droop dangerously low as he'd handed the mug over.

A far better picture than what he was currently seeing. "And?" he asked again, not sure how this could get any worse.

Or better. They were taping this, Phil knew. 

"This is according to Thor, he says he can understand Agent Barton even though he isn't really capable of speech, we think. Though clearly he must because Thor says--"

"What has Clint been talking about?" Phil demanded. The scientists were in the next room, debating theories on de-bunnyfing Clint, though Thor swore up and down that the spell would wear off by Easter Monday.

The tech blushed harder. "Apparently he's very concerned about...yourcreamyfilling," she said quickly, not looking Phil in the eye.

Phil allowed as to how he didn't blame her. Perhaps he should be flattered that the last event of the morning before Phil finally did get out of bed had remained vivid enough in Clint's mind that it had survived being turned into the Easter Bunny.

On the other hand, he didn't really want anyone discussing his creamy filling in a scientific-magical context. He was glad he didn't have to hear Thor's translation of Clint's mention of it.

He was even more glad he hadn't had to hear Stark's reaction to said translation.

Phil cleared his throat. "So. What's the plan?"

The tech shrugged. "Honestly? Everyone thinks that if we just stand back and let him hide his eggs, he'll return to normal, no harm done. The problem is that he wants us to help him dye them."

Phil just blinked. "And you don't think S.H.I.E.L.D. is capable of dyeing a few hundred eggs in time for Easter?" He tried to pretend he wasn't thinking it was actually possible for Clint to deliver the eggs, but if agents dyeing eggs would make Clint happy, Phil was willing to give the order.

"Millions," the tech said. "Thor says Clint's asked for 71 million dyed eggs."

"Ah." He turned back to watch Clint, who was now digging -- pawing -- at the corner of the room, visibly agitated about the lack of give in the concrete flooring. "What's our back-up plan?"

"We have Thor explain that parents around the world are taking care of it for him, and all he has to do is hide the eggs at Avengers' Mansion." The tech smiled. "Mr. Stark has to agree to not ask JARVIS to tell anyone where they are."

Phil gave a sharp nod. "Then why is Clint still locked up?"

The woman looked surprised. "Oh, he isn't! He can--" Suddenly Clint teleported into the observation room, right next to Phil. The tech looked rueful. "That's the other problem. He keeps going out and bringing back chocolate rabbits, but he won't share. The wrapping says they're real Belgian chocolate."

Clint wriggled his nose at Phil, who smiled at him. "Of course not, it isn't Easter. Everyone will get their baskets on Sunday." He reached out and carefully pet Clint on the head. 

Clint beamed happily at him, then vanished -- returning a moment later with a small chocolate item in his hands. He handed it to Phil, who took it. It was a molded chocolate penis -- the kind which, Phil knew, typically had a rich vanilla cream filling.

Phil wondered if Fury was going to make him fill out a report for this, or if a submitting vacation request would suffice. He braced himself as Clint began to nuzzle his arm. Perhaps he'd better file a vacation request for the both of them.

After Easter. Clint would probably be tired come Monday.


End file.
